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How sad does that title sound. I mean... COME ON! I will soon scare all u potential followers away due to my increased self pity.
I hate pity. Never did leave a good taste in my mouth, but then that is where I got strange. If I felt no one was feeling bad for me i would get really sad and feel all alone.
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Back to the post!!
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Yea, so... I consider myself to be one of the best actors in the world despite my lack of Oscars and any other reward that determines the value of your talent >.>
I think I am one of the best actors (i don't like using the word actress... i am not a feminist though... or am I.) this is because I tend to not show my true feelings... in front of people. I am one of the most fake persons you will ever meet and this "talent" of mine has been enhanced since September of 2011. I really took notice to this great change in my behaviour when I had planned to make that cake on Nikki's birthday (Nov 26) and got caught up in "happily" helping people dis-spite my feelings at the moment and then being called selfish for eating something other than what was prepared for breakfast. Yeah sorry I didn't see the very unnoticeable pot with just one spoon full of baked beans. I wish u could see my face. Not that I can see it... but I know its quite a humorous display of "are you stupid or stupid?"
My feelings might be the most unknown to anyone including myself. I can't make a life changing decision properly. My mind is so confused and messy, I'm not even sure if this post makes any sense. Something keeps happening.
I want to cry so much right now due to the stress of whether or not I want to take my art kit to "school" tomorrow in fear of it being empty when I get home. My sketch... for the art exam TOMORROW is so... I don't know where it came from. I can't do this. Since I just spoke to my mother about this it's at the front of my mind and this is the only was it'll leave. I made the sketch a few moments ago. I have never been so slap dash with art before. I totally and completely blame my current situation of being forced somewhere off of my grid, the situation where I can't be myself in my own home much less outside of it.
I had a break down... I think it was last week... Tuesday... yea. I had said to my mother in wracking sobs that I don't even know how I really am, I don't remember what I am actually like anymore because of my surroundings.
If your kid ever said that to you, what do you think you would do?
Would you hug them and tell them that their personality went on a vacation?
Would you... inform them that they will be fine because you are there?
What on earth could you possibly say to someone who has no idea what they are really like when people keep whispering in their ear that they are "selfish" that they are "snobish" or a "perfectionist" and just have to have their way.
The director of my life needs to yell cut... hopefully soon so that I can take a break. hopefully one more than 5, 10 or 15 minutes. I would love to have a year off of acting. I don't need to get paid. I just need some fresh mountain air and a dog. Maybe a log cabin minus the reptiles.
I will be fine if I just get a year.
I couldn't imagine what I would do if that request does not reach his secretary.
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